we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
