I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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