Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He felt like a one man threesome
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
