I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
