I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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