he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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