Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
