I seem to have left my pride at pride
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
