We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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