This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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