I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
