she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
