Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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