Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
