I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
