We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
