she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
