Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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