he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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