I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
