i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
