...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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