Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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