I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
