Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
