They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
