It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
