I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
