I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
