did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My vagina is officially offended.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
