Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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