Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
