Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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