WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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