I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
