Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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