Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
