True but thats because hes a fetus.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my sisters under your porch take her home
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
