I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
