The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
the raccoons are back...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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