is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
