It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
