batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
