and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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