Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
