Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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