He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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