I bet he comes in French.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
