my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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