She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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